Make Me Better
by HolbyCityFanfics
Summary: When Ethan is recieves a diagnosis that changes his life, does Cal run away or step up to be the big brother he should be?
1. Chapter 1

A headache.

That's all Ethan could focus on as he rolled gingerly out of his bed. His eyes hurt, his vision was fuzzy. It was not a good day to have a migraine.

Nevertheless he pushed himself up, making no effort to wake his brother yet. He had an hour before shift, and unlike his sibling he liked to be dressed respectably for his position.

He let out a frustrated moan as he searched for trousers inevitably hidden under piles of unclean laundry and bags of unwanted storage. Cal's crap as he liked to call it. He began to pace around, only squatting down to sort through masses of boxes, wincing slightly as a headache came on. Ever since Cal had moved his stuff into their new flat, there had been an abundance of packed and unpacked storage containers lying across the floor. It didn't bother him first, but as neat boxes became piles of rubbish, his stuff got hidden underneath them.

"Cal!" He yelled, screaming slightly to make himself vocal through the walls. "Cal have you seen my trousers?"

Of course he wasn't answering.

"Cal?" He shouted once again, before standing himself up to search for his brother.

He stood up quickly, too quickly for his liking and suddenly gripped his head. He groaned and tried to blink away the black dots dancing in his vision. He was tired of this, it was the second time this week.

It felt different this time, more painful than his usual stress related headaches. He was soon reacquainted with the floor as a searing pain rushed through the side of his temple, causing him to fall back against the boxes in a heavy and agonised mess.

He began to clench his eyes shut and clutch the box next to him for any sign of relief. He felt his knuckles turn white as they were tightly wrapped around the thick cardboard.

And then it was gone.

Ethan blinked rapidly, regaining his vision as the pain subsided. He whimpered slightly, gulping back any forms of anxiety, and shuffled into a sitting position. He didn't want to risk moving yet.

Not daring to stand, he sat in a slumped form between Cal's laundry and his own medical equipment, placed in two large boxes, one of which was now crumpled due to squeezing it so hard.

"What the hell was that?" He muttered to himself, stroking the top of his forehead. He checked his pulse, backhandedly felt his temperature, and sighed as he realised they were normal. No immediate explanation, no answers, exactly what Ethan hated. He tried to wrack his brains, had he drank last night? His thoughts were fuzzy, he couldn't remember?

Why couldn't he remember?

"There you are, I've been shouting you for the last 10 minutes, we've got to roll Nibbles, shift starts in 5."

Ethan looked up at his brother, fully dressed, a slice of cold toast in his hand. Only a minute ago Ethan was trying to wake him from his slumber? Or was it longer?

His head hurt.

"Did I drink last night?" He whispered, still sat against the bedroom wall.

"No, but by the look of you I'd say you need one." Cal chuckled, shaking his head at his brother. "You made me watch that stupid documentary last night, about the coral reef, remember?" The older brother rolled his eyes, and grabbed Ethan's briefcase from the corner of the room. "Come on, you look like an idiot sat down there."

He put his hand out and Ethan shakily took it, wobbling slightly as Cal helped him stand.

"Woah, you alright little bro?" Cal caught his arm, concern crossing him as he saw the full extent of his brother's pale face and the dark circles forming under his eyes.

"Yes. Fine, I'm fine." Ethan caught his balance, grabbed his glasses from the sideboard and tentatively walked towards the door. "We're going to be late Caleb."

Cal knew that tone, his full name only used if his brother was stressed or scared. He shook the bad feeling off, and followed him outside with a furrowed glare.

"Ethan, you look like shit." Cal laughed, shaking of his concern as he persisted with his constant teasing. "Only you could get a hangover watching a David Attenborough documentary..."

"Shut up Cal." Ethan snapped, climbing slowly into the passenger seat of the car. His head throbbed, his whole body ached. For once he decided that his brother would be the safer driver of the two.

"Alright then Nibbles don't get your knickers in a twist." Cal joked. "At least I can get us there on time, I don't drive like a pensioner."

Ethan made no effort to respond, he just rested his head against the cold window. It made the pain subside, and an ache that was growing duller by the second halt for just a minute.

He could think again, finally. But all he could ponder on was the fact that he wasn't okay.

He was far from okay.

* * *

"Do either of you care to explain to me why you're both late to your shifts?" Connie greeted the boys with a half drawn smirk and her finger pointing to her watch.

"I'm sorry, mild mannered Ethan here is supposedly 'hungover'" Cal joked, squeezing his brothers shoulder.

"What do you mean by supposedly Dr Knight?" Connie scowled, looking Ethan up and down as his pale figure leant against the nurses station.

"He didn't actually drink." Cal huffed. "He's just got all the symptoms of a hangover." He chuckled, looking around to get a few laughs from the staff that were gathering.

"I thought you were a physician, Dr Knight, the all powerful trainee surgeon prototype that Mr Strachan has invested his time into. It's a shame you can't diagnose a migraine isn't it?" She rolled her eyes, feeling accomplished as colleagues began to giggle.

"Are you fit to work Dr Hardy?" She seemed concerned as the sheen produced on his forehead only enhanced how pale his skin was. She put a kind hand on his shoulder and looked into his dreary eyes. "If you aren't well, or you are indeed hungover I don't want you in my department today."

"I'm fine thank you Mrs Beauchamp." Ethan nodded, hulking back the shooting pain that simple task sent through his head. "I'd just like to get on with some work." He smiled, walking towards the locker room.

His slow and weak demeanour shuffled away, and suddenly everyone was back at work. Cal went to follow when Connie grabbed his arm.

"Is your brother okay?" She asked, gesturing to the man hunched over his locker.

"Your guess is as good as mine, he's probably being all Ethan and panicking about these exams coming up." Cal suggested, his own concern burying itself as he began to adjust his scrubs.

"Would it hurt for you to look out for him more often Dr Knight?" She huffed, turning to walk away. "The least you can do is keep an eye on him today, he seems off to me so I want him on minors only okay?"

Cal nodded absently staring at his little brother's worried expression. "Whatever you say Mrs Beauchamp."

He shook his head, fiddling with the stethoscope around his neck. Maybe she was right, something was odd with him today...

* * *

"Okay we've got Sally Palmer, 30 years old, fell off her bike into on coming traffic. She has a head and neck injury, and acute lacerations to the face. She Ko'd briefly on scene and her GCS was 13 on arrival. BP's stable at 90 systolic, absent breath sounds on the left side. She's had 10 of morphine, 10 of Metoclopramide and 1 litre of saline." Iain nodded as Cal began to wheel the patient into resus. He watched as Ethan scrambled behind taking the notes and rushing to fit an IV.

"Connie has put you on minors Ethan." Cal intersected, briefly looking back at his brother as he began to hook the patient up to machines.

"Since when?" Ethan frowned, holding the back of his head subtly in order to not fall over at the weight of it.

"Since now. Just do what I say okay?" Cal snapped, but he knew it was best. His brother didn't look well enough to save a life, especially when he couldn't take care of his own.

Ethan felt himself grow frustrated, his stomach throbbing and his anger bubbling. "FINE." He snapped back, running from resus in a midst of angry breathing and pulsating pain.

He found himself in the toilets, gripping the sink until his knuckles turned white. Why wouldn't this pain shift? Did his colleagues think he was incompetent?

He splashed water on his face to cool himself down, but nothing worked. Nothing ever worked when he has a headache like this. He would usually lock himself in his room and pass out until the pain subsided. It's just that this time, he had no choice but to work through it. His brother already thought he was weak. He couldn't possibly go home now.

He felt himself grow dizzy again, suddenly leaning against the wall for support. His movement set the hand dryer off and he hastily jumped, groaning as it caused his pain to erupt. His stomach churned and he was suddenly fighting the black spots again.

He was going to be sick.

He hurled himself over a toilet and found himself violently throwing up. He didn't have the energy to flush it yet, nor did he have the energy to move. He closed his eyes, fighting the spinning sensation until he could no longer.

He would just lay here, just for a little longer he thought...

Blackness.

* * *

"Have you seen Ethan?" Charlie sighed, dumping the untreated files on the side of the station. "He's supposed to be on minors and none of his patients have been seen?" He casted his worried glare to Connie, as she began to sort through the cases.

"Dr Hardy should be with you, Dr Knight kicked him out of resus I assume." She said, scanning what she could of the ED in hopes to find the registrar. "Can you find him please Charlie, and when you do, bring him straight to me." She slung the files down and headed in Cal's direction. There was definitely something wrong with his brother.

* * *

"Ethan? Ethan?" Charlie called, opening and closing on call room doors as he wondered through the departments. "Ethan?" He sighed as he entered an empty staff room. Still no avail.

In one last attempt to find the young doctor he headed to the toilets, his hopes not high as he heard nothing but silence as he entered.

It was empty, apart from the last cubicle door that was jammed shut. He stood for a moment to see if the person was coming out, but grew concerned as a second turned into 5 minutes, and still there was no movement.

"Hello, are you alright in there?" He banged on the cubicle door a few times, before finally crouching to see the underneath.

He gasped.

Ethan was laid unconscious against the toilet bowl, his lack of movement worrying Charlie as he clocked his deep and raspy breaths.

"Okay Ethan it's all right, I'm going to get some help." He spoke quickly, rushing from the floor and out of the door.

"CAN I GET SOME HELP IN HERE, AND A TROLLEY, NOW!"

Charlie grimaced as he saw that Cal was the first doctor in sight.

"What have we got Charlie?" Cal breathed, pushing the trolley through the narrow doors.

"Okay don't panic, I'm sure he's going to be alright." Charlie stated, beginning to crouch down once again. "I just need you to help me get this door down." The old man had a look of terror on his face, his complexion worryingly white.

"Charlie what's wrong? Who's going to be alright?" Charlie didn't have time to answer as Cal quickly knelt down beside him and let out an inaudible whimper as he saw his baby brother.

"ETHAN? It's Ethan?" He breathed, suddenly using force to rip the door open. Charlie stood back as Cal persisted to kick and punch until the lock broke away. He had tears in his eyes but didn't dare let them fall. "It's all right buddy, I'm coming, Ethan can you hear me?" With no avail, he rushed to his side, eying the vomit in the toilet, and sighing at the sweaty sheen across his forehead.

"It's okay buddy, I've got you." Cal pulled his little brother into his embrace, and suddenly began to check his pulse. A sigh of relief left his lips when he realised he was breathing, and he was suddenly lifting him onto the trolley.

"Right Charlie go ahead, tell Mrs Beauchamp it's Ethan, and that I want her in resus with him immediately." He panicked, beginning to push the trolley forward. He had one hand on the rails and one firmly intertwined with Ethan's clammy fingers. He was sure it was nothing but a bug, but any sight of his brother in danger made his blood boil.

"Alright, tell me what's happened Dr Knight." Connie was suddenly by his side as crowds of colleagues began to form behind them. They pushed Ethan into resus, Charlie not far behind as he began to hook him up to the monitors.

"He Ko'd in the toilets, he's vomited and his blood pressure is low. His temperature is up from what I could feel. We need full bloods, a litre of saline, he could be dehydrated and-"

"Dr Knight, I understand this is hard but you need to step back, you can't treat him." Connie gave him a sympathetic smile, and began to hook Ethan up to some oxygen. "I think he's just fainted, hopefully we are just looking at the flu. Let's get some bloods done, and IV antibiotics into his system."

"Mrs Beauchamp, please let me stay with him, I need to be here, I was horrible to him earlier, I didn't realise he was in so much pain I-"

"C-Cal"

A groggy groan erupted from the bed and suddenly the conversation dimmed. Cal took one look at Connie before pushing past towards his brother's side.

"Hey buddy how you feeling?" Cal stood over Ethan and brushed back his hair in an attempt to give comfort. He sympathised as Ethan winced, and suddenly pulled himself into a sitting position, looking around and slumping in a confused and weakened position.

"What happened?" He whispered, for he felt too sick to talk properly.

"You were out sparko in the toilets Eth." Cal giggled, concern bubbling as his brother gripped his head again. "How bad is the migraine mate?"

"B-Bad. Ehh why is it so bad?" Ethan scrunched his eyes shut to get rid of the searing pain that was slowly beginning to return as he woke.

"Okay can we get Dr Hardy 10 milligrams of morphine please." Connie was back by Ethan's side and suddenly shone her torch in his eyes. "This looks like nothing more than a very bad migraine but I just want to get you checked over before we send you home." She smiled and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry yourself Ethan, your vitals are normal."

He nodded before letting his head lol to the side. He felt fuzzy. He felt that absence that he did in the morning.

"Ethan? You okay to walk to cubicles buddy?" Cal put a hand on his brother. "Eth?"

"D-Dont feel w-well." He slurred, struggling to keep his eyes open once again. He felt them flicker, he heard white noise around him, he saw too many dots in his vision.

"Ethan?" Connie frowned when he no longer responded, gulping as the junior doctor suddenly began to spasm. The railings of his bed were thrown about, and Cal quickly rushed back to his brother's side.

"Okay he's seizing, I want him back in resus NOW." Connie shouted, her hands on the junior doctor as he fitted.

This was much more than a headache.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thankyou for all the feedback so far! It's much appreciated!**

* * *

"C-Cal?" Ethan whimpered, slowly hitting his brother's hand. His body ached, his head still pounded. "Cal w-what happened?" He blinked the fuzziness away and sat himself up, absently eying the cubicle he now laid in.

Cal shook himself awake and stood over his brother's bed, a warm smile playing on his lips.

"You had a seizure Ethan." He muttered, trying his best to stay calm. "It was only brief but you went into full tonic clonic bro." He rested his hand on Ethan's shoulder and gave a half smile as his little brother's face grew white.

"I had a what? Cal, I'm not epileptic." Ethan panicked, gingerly pulling himself up from a laying position. "I don't understand, the headache, it was just another migraine, not a-"

"Calm down, they're keeping you in to do some more tests. I'm sure it's nothing okay? Don't go all Ethan on me in front of all these pretty nurses hey?" He felt his grip become stronger on his brother as his protectiveness prevailed .

"You and I both know that isn't true. You don't just have a seizure every now and again, not without a cause." Ethan snapped, his brain was working in overdrive. What if it happened again?

"I might have epilepsy Cal, what do I do if I have epilepsy?" He was panicking, really fretting. He knew it wasn't life threatening but how would he drive? what if he fitted whilst doing a procedure? It was too much to take in.

"We will deal with it okay?" Cal shook his head and sat back down beside his brother. "Stop panicking before you even have any results. It could be nothing more than a reaction to a virus or painkillers." He watched his brother nod slightly before picking his glasses up from the side table.

"Whilst you were out of it Mrs Beauchamp took you into CT, just to be on the safe side." Cal explained. "She didn't seem too concerned, so that's good news hey?"

"Y-yeah." Ethan whispered, still tired, a little taken back by the situation. His head was still banging and he suddenly grasped his temple.

"Do you still have a headache?" Cal intersected, looking at the pain meds his brother had been given. "You're on morphine for gods sake, for a migraine." He rolled his eyes as Ethan looked up to him angrily.

"I'm fine Cal, I always have a headache... Can you just leave it please." Ethan whimpered slightly, turning his head to the side in a bid to make himself more comfortable. "Aren't you on shift or something?"

"Alright, alright." Cal giggled, his hands rising in front of his face as he backed away. "I was just looking out for my little brother, like family should do, don't get your knickers in a twist Nibbles."

"I'm sorry Its just-"

"Don't worry. I'm going." Cal smirked, squeezing his brother's shoulder as he stood up. "Text me when they have your results okay?" He smiled sympathetically this time, shuffling back as a one of his previous conquests walked through.

"Alicia." Ethan mumbled, quickly positioning his glasses as he painfully sat up. She smiled as she checked his monitors and suddenly Cal was smirking.

"Have fun Nibbles." He winked, closing the curtain as he left.

* * *

"So, a seizure, that's pretty nasty." Alicia tried to refrain from making conversation, she was finding the situation awkward. She liked Ethan a lot, but she wasn't sure if it was still reciprocated, especially after an event like this. "You drew the short straw and got me as your doctor." She smiled, slowly checking his vitals.

"That's not true, you're a very good doctor, you're gentle." Ethan tried hard not to become flushed in the presence of his crush, and continued to drabble on about nothing. "I think you're smart, kind and very important to this department and-"

"Ethan this isn't quote ' _The Help'_ day, but thank you." She giggled, taking a seat beside his bed. "All I care about right now is how you're feeling." She sighed, taking a look at the notes on the railings. "You gave us all a shock 'Nibbles'"

"That bloody name." He found it hard to chuckle with the pain, but he inaudibly laughed, shaking his head. "I'm fine Alicia, honestly. Do you know if my tests are back so I can get out of this bed? I feel like something of an idiot right now."

"I'll go and check with Mrs Beauchamp." She replied, slowly brushing her hand over his. "You're not an idiot Ethan, a seizure isn't something we take lightly, you of all people know that."

"I know." He gulped, anxiously playing with his fingers. "Thank you, for being so nice to me, you're one up on Cal." He laughed nervously, smiling as she began to walk away.

"That's what I like to hear Dr Hardy!" She giggled, shaking her head with a smirk as she left to find his results.

She just prayed they would be normal.

* * *

"Dr Knight, can you come with me please." Connie caught Cal's arm as he finished with his patient.

"Mrs Beauchamp, I'm still on shift for another hour, is there something wrong?" He was tentative as he was dragged towards his brother's cubicle, not a word said from his clinical lead as she walked slowly, shaky hands gripping a file. "Connie?"

"Well now you're off shift. You need to be with your brother Caleb." Connie muttered, her eyes firmly on the floor as Cal scrambled behind her.

"Okay you're scaring me Mrs Beauchamp, is he okay?" He breathed, eyeing the way she clasped his brother's results.

He gulped.

"Connie, tell me right now." He stopped her in her tracks and stood intimidatingly over her demeanour. "He's my brother, I know what he can take, and if it's bad I need to prepare him."

"Cal I think we should talk to Ethan first." She whispered, her voice soft and sympathetic, her eyes on Alicia as she ran up to the pair.

"Mrs Beauchamp, Ethan is asking about his results." She puffed, leaning against the side of the desk. "Do you want me to go and get them from CT?" She smiled, her voice evident that she was oblivious to what was about to happen.

"No, no I'll handle this Dr Munroe." She smiled, a hand on Cal's back as she pushed him forwards. "I need you to take over for Dr knight on minors." She instructed as the junior doctor skipped away.

If only she knew.

"Come on Cal, let's go and talk to your brother." She sighed, walking towards the side room that he had been moved to.

"Tell me one thing." Cal gulped, fiddling nervously with his fingers as they stood outside the room. He could see his brother through the glass, staring into the air, and his heart broke when he thought about the news Connie was withholding.

"Is it bad?"

"Very bad." Connie gulped, pushing the door forward.

* * *

"Finally, some form of human interaction." Ethan chuckled as he played with his bed buttons. "Can you take me home Cal, I just need to sleep this migraine off." He rolled his eyes jokingly, looking up at his brother and their clinical lead before suddenly frowning.

Why was no one joking? Surely his brother would have cracked a one liner by now?

"Cal?" He mumbled, suddenly sitting in an upright position, compared to the comfy slouch from just a minute ago. "Cal w-what's going on?" He stuttered as he watched his big brother walk to the side of his bed, and protectively clasp his hand.

"Ethan your CT came back a few minutes ago and I've got your results right here." Connie smiled sympathetically before taking a seat at the other side of the bed. "It's not all good I'm afraid." She swallowed the lump in her throat as she saw the colour begin to drain from both Ethan and Cal's faces.

Ethan quickly turned to Cal, his pleading eyes filling with tears as he looked at his big brother for support. Cal was motionless, eyes fixed on the files Connie was reading through. Why wasn't she speaking?

"You told me it was nothing! That she wasn't worried!?" Ethan snapped, his breathing rapid as he clung angrily onto the bed frame.

He was terrified.

"What is it Connie." Cal whispered, nervously biting his lip. "We can take it can't we Ethan?" He smiled through the urge to cry as he saw his little brother nod, looking intently at their bosses broken face.

"We found a large mass on your temporal lobe Ethan, that's what caused you to have the fit, and is most likely what is causing the migraines." She sighed as the two boys remained silent, Ethan motionless and an angry glare crossing Cal's face.

"We also saw several other small masses around the brain which look as if they have spread." She paused to compose herself. This was one of her finest doctors, a young boy full of hopes and dreams, and she was crushing them, one by one.

"W-What are y-you saying Mrs Beauchamp." Cal butted in, walking over in denial and snatching the results from her hand.

"We can't be sure until we get a biopsy, but from what I can see, this looks like a malignant brain tumour." She felt like she held her breath for too long, suddenly being pulled back into reality as Ethan started to cry.

"Y-You're s-saying I h-have c-cancer" He whimpered, falling heavily into his brother's protective embrace as he sobbed. "Is t-that w-what y-you're saying?" He cried his hand covering his mouth in utter shock, his limbs shaking as Cal pulled him tighter.

"Ethan I can't be sure yet, you know the protocol I can't just-"

"JUST SAY IT!" He wailed, batting against his brother's chest. His dreams of becoming a consultant, a husband, a father, were all of a sudden fading away. He felt numb, he felt like dying. In that second he had never felt pain like it, a pain that had immobilised him, physically taken his breath away.

This couldn't be happening.

"You have cancer Ethan."


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for all of the reviews! Please keep them coming it means so much to me! If you have any ideas please share them in the comments! ❤️**

* * *

"I-I've got to go." Ethan muttered, suddenly shuffling from his bed to his feet. Cal went to grab his arm but he pulled back, his IV ripping away with the motion.

Cal stood paralysed after that. The tears in his eyes were no longer held back by his weak barrier. He put a hand to his mouth and gulped back his sobs. He didn't even try to say anything.

He couldn't.

"Ethan, I understand that this is a shock but you should be in bed." Connie smiled sympathetically and began to put her hands on the fragile boys shoulder.

It didn't work.

"JUST GET OFF ME WILL YOU?" Ethan snapped, his mild manner perishing as he pushed the clinical lead back into Cal. "YOU CANT STOP ME!"

Both of his friends stood shell shocked and speechless, both with tears in their eyes as he stormed out of the room.

"Go after him Cal." Connie smiled sadly. "He may not have said it, but he needs you right now."

Cal nodded with a reassuring smile. He wiped his tears, a loud sniff the only thing that could be heard amongst the silence. He threw on his hoodie and held his face in his hands. He felt like crying, but pulled his figure into action. He took a breath, receiving a pat from Connie on the back.

His brother was gravely ill, and he suddenly felt more helpless than ever. But he had to try, he had to pull himself together for his brother's sake.

"I'm coming Ethan." He whispered to himself, before running from the ED.

* * *

It had been half an hour and his little brother was still nowhere to be seen. In a midst of running away, and the fact that just about every patient was wearing the same gown, Cal was finding it hard just to spot anyone he knew.

He sighed as he jogged to the last place he could think of. The one place he really didn't want his brother to be.

The roof.

"Ethan?" Cal called, "Are you up here?"

He walked tentatively up the last steps, pushing open the roof door with a hindered breath and concerned glare. His head poked around the corner with great anticipation, as his brother was not found in any previous destinations.

This was a last resort.

Luckily for Cal, he quickly spotted his brother, curled over in the corner, his head in his hands, his knees pressed violently to his chest. He was rocking. He was whimpering.

"Ethan?" he pressed, rushing to his brothers side. "Ethan what's going on?" he fretted, gaining no avail as his brother continued to be hidden; his glasses thrown on the floor, tossed by his side.

"c-cant b-breathe." The boy muttered, his words muffled as he buried his head. "Too much, it's too much." He cried, still rocking as Cal began to become aware.

Panic attack.

"it's okay, Its okay Nibbles, I'm here, I'm here now." He comforted his brother, pulling his head up slightly with his finger. He could see the tears streaming down his face, but persisted to give him a reassuring smile.

"I-I c-can't d-do it." He stuttered, visibly shaking in the cold air. He was gripping at his shirt, his fingers curling around his gown in a panicked manor. "I-I think I-I'm I'm having a he-heart a-attack." He cried, clutching his chest.

"It's a panic attack Ethan, just a panic attack, look at me Eth, look at me!" Cal pulled his brothers arms away from harm, his hands resting on his cheeks.

"Breathe Ethan, take a deep breath."

Ethan's world was spinning, his eyes focusing in and out. He felt hot, he felt sick. His head hurt, everything hurt.

His air supply became smaller and he gasped for more. He felt as if he were dying? Was he? He should have known. Why didn't he know?

He was a doctor for gods sake! He obviously wasn't good at it. Maybe he should quit? He should have quit?

Too much, it was all too much.

"Ethan?"

Too loud.

He felt like he would faint.

"Ethan breathe with me, come on, in for 7 and out for 11." Cal was stressing now, quickly thinking on his toes. He pulled Ethan into his embrace on the floor, rubbing his shoulder as a way to ground him as he panicked.

Ethan began to copy his brothers breathing pattern, his laboured breaths lengthening with each inhale. Cal reassured him, praising him as he continued to calm.

"That's it Eth, that's it, you're doing really well, keep breathing, keep breathing for me." Cal had him in his arms, stroking back the hair on his hot forehead.

He felt pain for Ethan as he panicked.

He felt helpless, as if he was useless.

"C-Cal." Ethan whimpered, gripping his brothers hand. "I-I I'm s-sorry." He sniffled, his red and rubbed eyes looking at Caleb pleadingly, as if he was more fragile than ever.

"Hey, hey, don't apologise, it's okay, it's all going to be okay." He pulled Ethan into his chest, feeling his dark scrubs soak with his brothers tears.

It was a truly devastating state.

Ethan just shook his head, letting the tears fall.

"Don't cry, don't cry, you start me off you idiot." Cal chuckled emotionally, rubbing his brothers back. "Tell uncle Cal what's wrong." He smiled, grabbing Ethan's hands, intertwining their fingers with care.

"I-I don't think I c-can be a doctor anymore not now. T-this is g-going to k-kill me I-isn't it?" Ethan sniffed, his eyes focused on the ground. "I-I only ever wanted to be a-"

Cal put his finger on his lips, quieting him with a trusting glare.

"Now you listen to me, you're the best doctor I've ever met, brain tumour or not okay?" Cal hugged his brother close, his heart falling as he shook his head in defeat. "Ethan look at me." He pestered.

"You are strong, so strong Ethan. I won't take nothing but that word. You listen to me okay? If this is what has got you so upset then forget about it. You're going to get treatment and you will get better, I'm sure of it okay?"

Ethan nodded, a teary smile gracing his face. He looked at his brother, gulping back his sadness.

"I just always dreamed I'd become a consultant, I always dreamed I'd be something big, s-something-" his voice began to break, his pleading eyes begging for comfort.

"C'mere." Cal pulled him back into his arms, holding him as he let it all out. "You will Ethan, you will." Cal shook his head, pressing a kiss to his brother's forehead.

Ethan's eyes looked innocent with anticipation, the tears no longer falling as he held onto his brother in the cold.

"I think you've already become a good doctor Ethan Hardy." He whispered, slipping off his jacket and looping it around his brothers shoulders.

Ethan couldn't speak, for he would just cry again. He simply put his hand on Cal's, breathing in his musky scent. What did he do to deserve him as a brother?

"Now let's get you inside you maniac, it's cold out here, and don't get me wrong but you appear to be just a little bit ill." Cal chuckled helping him up. "I'm always here Eth, and that will never change." He smiled, opening the door.

"Always?" Ethan asked.

"Always." Cal replied, gently holding on to his fragile frame as they walked down the stairs. "Now let's get you back into bed okay? Mrs Beauchamp will throw a shit fit if not."

He saw his brother chuckle through his sniffles and his heart ached. He couldn't let anyone know how hard he was praying for a miracle right now, a miracle that would let his Ethan beat this.

* * *

"Can you tell them all?" Ethan muttered, breaking the silence back in his side room. He was finally warming up, his arms tucked snugly under the blanket Cal had put around him. He knew he could go home soon, well, as soon as a treatment plan had been worked out, but he was feeling nervous, a sudden sense of dread about telling his colleagues.

"Do you not want to do it?" Cal smiled, rising from his slouched position in the chair as he leant over his brother's bedside.

"I-I don't think I can." Ethan whispered, swallowing the lump in his throat, stifling all emotion he could. "Please Cal I-"

Ethan was cut off as the door suddenly opened, causing Cal to spring from his seat.

"Charlie." He breathed, relieved at the sight of a friendly, innocent face, one that didn't know what was about to hit the ED.

"Ah Connie will be plenty ased to see you back in bed Ethan." He interrupted, smiling as he came to check the young doctors vitals. "Have they found the cause of the seizure yet? You should be able to go home soon, your vitals are pretty stable." He put a solid hand on Ethan's shoulder and gave Cal a sympathetic glare. "You've got this one to look after you I see. I'm sure he will get you in bed nice an early." Charlie chuckled winking at the older brother.

"Yes, after he's come back from the pub, blind drunk with a takeaway. The true Florence Nightingale he is!" Ethan sniggered, falsely smiling, anything to hide the pain in his head.

Anything to stop thinking about it.

"Hey you! Maybe I was going to bring you back a takeaway too!" Cal giggled, also fighting his emotions. In fact, the boys seemed so upbeat, smiles wide enough to produce happy tears, or were they sad tears?

Charlie had begun to frown, he'd seen through that facade.

"Cal, can I have a word with you outside?" He gestured, breathing heavily as the boy he thought of as a son took heavy and depressing steps, as if he was suddenly carrying the world on his shoulders.

* * *

The second they got outside he watched the doctors face fall, and his eyes suddenly redden.

Something big had happened, and Charlie was going to get to the bottom of it.

"What's going on Cal?" He muttered, nervous as the hard and thick skinned man he knew, suddenly began to sob.

"Cal?" Charlie whispered, slowly bringing the doctor to a sitting position. "Cal talk to me." He sighed, gently rubbing his back, watching him slump over to cry in his hands.

Cal looked up, blinking away his tears, tightening his fists, and suddenly shaking his head. He stared at Charlie, too upset to speak, and prayed that the nurse would catch on.

"It's Ethan." He mumbled, biting his lip with the evolving tension.

Charlie looked at him, a smile crossing his lips, comforting eyes encouraging Cal to carry on. But it was so hard, so so hard for the young doctor. How could he utter the words that his brother had cancer, that he had a good chance of dying from the very disease? How could he even try to accept it?

He couldn't accept it. He couldn't make it real, but he had to, he had to start embracing his brothers fate.

"Ethan has a brain tumour, a suspected malignant tumour." He whispered, his face blank, his eyes glazed with tears. "T-The seizure, the headaches t-they were all symptoms." He struggled, not coping any longer, suddenly letting out a strangled sob.

"It's spread across his brain Charlie, he's going to die isn't he?!"

Before he could say anymore he felt himself being embraced, pulled into a warm and strong hug. He gripped on tightly to Charlie's scrubs, desperately letting out his pain and anger in his fragile moment.

He'd been so strong for Ethan, he'd left no strength for himself.

"It's okay Cal, it's okay to cry." Charlie was rubbing his back, gripping his sweaty hand, trying to slow his breathing. "You've been so strong for Ethan, Cal, so strong." He was trying to reassure the boy, but it was beginning to have no avail.

Cal shot up.

"What am I supposed to do?" He snapped, shaking his head violently. "Tell me what to do Charlie, TELL ME." His shouting hindered as Charlie signalled they were in a public place, and he slowly sat next to the nurse on the bed.

"What do I do?"

Cal looked helpless, stressed and down right exhausted. Charlie felt sorry for the pair of brothers, and tried his best to comfort the eldest.

"You just have to be there for him Cal." He smiled, sighing sadly as the doctor looked up at him. He watched him gulp, before slowly nodding his head.

"You need to be his big brother." He whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you you for all of the feedback! Greatly appreciated ❤️**

* * *

"When can I go home?" Ethan mumbled helplessly. He had been sat in silence for that last hour and a half, his tears finally drying as a gloomy expression appeared to linger on his face. He wanted to go to sleep and forget the day had ever happened. He wanted to be in a dream world where his nightmares could no longer haunt him.

He wanted it to be yesterday again, but that's not how the world worked.

"Ethan, Connie wants to speak to you before you go anywhere." Charlie smiled, gingerly taking a seat by his bed. He pursed his lips sadly, sighing at the sight of his friend curled in a foetal position, staring at the ceiling with his broken brown eyes.

When the he didn't reply, Charlie leaned over, placing his hand softly on Ethan's, gulping back his choked emotion as Ethan didn't respond. He just blinked, a single tear rolling slowly down his fractured face. It slid onto his hospital gown and was suddenly invisible, something Ethan so desperately wanted to be in this moment.

Invisible.

"Ethan, Cal told me." Charlie moved to perch on the young doctor's bed. "Ethan, it's going to be okay." He croaked, his tears held back by the weakest of barriers, his warm and sympathetic hands all over Ethans shoulders like a blanket on a hot night. Ethan felt uncomfortable, he hated the attention.

Choosing to ignore his friends plea of comfort, he rolled further away, hands pulled under his pillow as he was slowly edging away from Charlie's embrace. He wanted to go home, his flat, his bed, where no one could look at him as if he had just been given a death sentence.

"Where's Cal?" He muttered, a long and frustrated breath signalling that talking about his diagnosis was one thing he really wasn't up for right now. Charlie got the message and stood up, walking round to the other side of the bed, allowing him to be face to face with his friend.

"Cal went to get some air, he'll be back soon."

"Ah that's typical Cal, as soon as it gets serious he runs away." Ethan sniggered darkly. His heart felt truly broken, but his facade was strong. Surely his brother wouldn't leave him?

Of course he would. He always did.

"You know that's not true Ethan, he loves you and he will be here every step of the way, as will all of us." Charlie intercepted the state Ethan was getting himself into, and this time firmly put his hand on his shoulder.

"You will get through this Ethan, you don't even know your prognosis yet. Try not to worry." Charlie was insistent on his positivity and Ethan could almost chuckle. His dreams of a long life were already shattered by his Huntington's. He always thought that disease was his fate, he never thought about not even making it that far.

This was just cruel. Nothing about it was positive, nothing could be anymore. Life was unfair, it was determined to ruin him, rip any hopes he had for the future apart. Just when he had accepted the cards life had dealt him he had been quickly thrown from the game.

This wasn't a time to be positive, it was the time to feel sorry for himself. No treatment would make this better in his eyes, no friendships, relationships, people he could hurt. He just wanted to go home, forget about it, forget about everything.

He wanted normality, just a little bit of happiness. But oh no, that never happened for Ethan Hardy.

"Can you find Mrs Beauchamp, I want to discharge myself." He muttered, a long and painful breath causing Charlie to stand up in response. He shook his head solemnly, his voice mute, his emotions stifled as he went to leave the side room.

"You have to let us in Ethan, or god knows how you're going to get through this." The older man sniffed, his pleas falling to a stand still as he scrambled to find the clinical lead.

Ethan looked up at the ceiling, his eyes red with despair. He tasted nothing but regret and the salty tear as it rolled down his cheek. He wanted to scream, shout, let everyone in to give him a hug. That's what he truly wanted, even if his brain thought otherwise.

But he couldn't, he couldn't let anyone in, not if he would hurt them.

"I'm a grenade." He whispered to himself. "I have to reduce the casualties." He couldn't be selfish, he had to face this alone.

No Charlie, no Connie, no Alicia.

No Cal.

* * *

"He can't leave, I need to speak to him immediately." Connie yelled as she dumped Ethan's files on her desk. "I have spent the last half an hour getting him an emergency slot in theatre." She huffed, her hand shakily holding her head in despair.

"Theatre? Already?" Charlie intervened, his eyes widening as Connie shoved the scans forward across the desk. "Oh my, it's everywhere." He gulped, pursing his lips as an anxious glare crossed his eyes.

"It's pressing on his temporal lobe, its spread to his pituitary gland, and I'm sure I can see mets on his cerebellum." She began to point at the white areas of the detailed MRI. "If we leave it much longer he's at risk of a stroke, blindness, a fatal seizure."

"Does he know this Connie? He needs to know." Charlie began, nervously rubbing the back of his neck in an attempt to calm himself down. "How could he have carried on for so long with this? With no symptoms?" He pleaded, shaking his head at the sight of the scans.

"I don't believe for a second that he's had no symptoms." Connie sighed. "If you want my opinion, I reckon he has felt ill for quite a long time."

"Oh Ethan." Charlie whispered, his heart aching as Connie nodded in agreement. "Why didn't he speak to one of us if he felt this bad?"

"Because it's Ethan, he puts everyone else first." The two colleagues turned their heads and smiled sadly as Cal interrupted.

"What's going on?"

You could see the tears in his eyes, their red and puffy appearance hand in hand with his tentative nature and persistent fidgeting. He wasn't handling this well at all.

"We need to get your brother into theatre, its worse than we first thought." Connie explained, handing the new MRI scans now to her fellow colleague, biting her lip as he suddenly threw his hand to his mouth.

"This is a metastatic Glioblastoma, surely?" He mumbled. "I-it's-it's everywhere."

"That's my guess, but we won't know for sure until we get some of it out in theatre." Connie confessed, standing to put an arm around Cal's fragile form. "You need to persuade him to go into theatre, tonight."

* * *

"Ethan I'm really not sure this is a good idea." Alicia was pleading as he persisted to sloppily get dressed, throwing his gown to the side as he changed back into his shirt. He felt himself frequently grow hot, dizzy, immensely unstable on his feet, but he shook it off. He had been ignoring it for weeks, he wasn't going to become weak to its power now.

"Alicia, I know my rights, no offence but please get out of the way." He grabbed his holdall and shoved past the junior doctor with a vengeance. He felt wobbly but strangely strong, strong enough to fight the searing pain pulsating from his temples. No longer listening to the doctors and nurses that were rushing after him he began striding towards the exit. He glanced at Noel's anxious expression by reception and suddenly he could see the double doors.

Normality, freedom, no more brain tumour.

He was convinced he would walk outside and feel okay, he would stop shaking, he would stop feeling like he was going to collapse. There was nothing wrong with him.

"ETHAN STOP!" He winced at the squeal that came from his brother's lips. The sheer tone made him feel young again, and suddenly he halted in response to his brother's authority.

Cal rushed towards him and grabbed the holdall from his grasp, in an attempt to take the pressure off his already fragile figure. He looked deathly pale, a worrying sheen developing across his forehead. Cal finally saw the extent of his brother's illness, and cursed himself for not noticing his symptoms earlier.

"Ethan you can't leave, you need surgery." He spoke breathlessly, his eyes pleading his little brother as he stood motionless. "Tonight Ethan, tonight."

"T-Tonight?" He whispered, his sudden urge to sob held back strongly by a large intake of breath. He felt like he was going to puke, his vision glazed over. "N-No n-not t-tonight." He was finding it increasingly harder to talk, his words slurring as his face began to feel numb.

His form wobbled and he suddenly felt his brother's hands under his arms, desperately holding him up.

"It's okay Ethan, just try and calm down for me mate." Cal was holding onto him as his tears began to fall, his urge to swallow his cries and close his eyes becoming stronger. It hurt to think, to listen.

It hurt.

"Ethan, mate? You okay?" Cal suddenly took the full force of his brother's weight as his knees began to buckle. Scrambling to hold him Charlie ran forward and helped Cal lower him to the floor.

"Eth? Ethan? Can you hear me?" Cal panicked as his brother laid unconscious in his lap. "WE NEED A TROLLEY OVER HERE!" He fretted, tapping his brother's hot and sweaty cheek. His breaths were rapid, and he suddenly began to spasm.

Connie ran forwards, nursing Ethan's head as Cal froze in place. He suddenly didn't know what to do. He suddenly wasn't a doctor anymore.

That was his brother.

"Okay he's seizing, I want 5 milligrams of diazepam, immediately! We need to get this under control." Connie ordered, halting anyone from moving him as he began to thrash on the floor. "Okay he's gone into grand mal, call theatre and tell them we are coming now, he's not maintaining his airway."

A crowd was beginning to form around them, Alicia's eyes reddening as the boy she was falling for looked desperate for help in Connie's arms. She gulped back her sobs as she saw Cal spring forward, helping to gently lower him onto a gurney, before gripping his hand and kissing his forehead as the seizure began to simmer down.

"Right I want him intubated, 10 milligrams of Metoclopramide and up to Guy Self right now, his tumour is pressing on his temporal lobe and he's at risk of a stroke." Connie rushed the young doctor through Resus.

"I-Is he g-going to be o-okay?" Cal stammered, scrambling behind the trolley as tears clouded his vision. He felt Charlie's hand on his shoulder and he winced at the sight of his brother. "Mrs Beauchamp tell me what's happening please!?"

"Ethan needs surgery now to remove the pressure the tumour is putting on his brain." She explained gingerly. She knew Cal wasn't thinking like a doctor, he was now just another family member who was engrossed in the scary looking wires poking out of his brother, a brother that he was close to loosing.

"Have a few minutes with him Cal, until they take him up to theatre." Charlie suggested, patting his back as Robin and Alicia prepared Ethan for surgery. The old man gulped as the brother walked forward, for he knew this could be the last time he saw Ethan alive.

Cal perched by the bed, his hand firmly grasping Ethan's. He let his tears fall on his arm, and he sadly smiled at his brother's feeble form.

"You always used to protest that you didn't feel ill as a kid until you keeled over and ended yourself up in the A&E." Cal chucked breathlessly, his voice hoarse as he croaked through the lump in his throat. "Now look what you've gone and done to yourself hey? Y-you're l-laying here with a b-brain t-tumour kid."

He let out a strangled sob, softly burying his head in his brother's chest.

"I meant what I said after the car accident. You're my safety net Ethan." He whispered, his hand softly stroking his brother's blonde hair. "I-I l-love you, d-don't you e-ever forget t-that." He gulped, shaking his head as Connie went to move the bed forward. "T-that's w-why you've g-got to pull through okay?"

Before he knew it all hands were on deck and he could feel the bed moving as he talked to his brother. He still had a firm grip on Ethan's hand as they went to part at the elevator, and suddenly he didn't want to let go.

"Come on Cal, he needs to go up to theatre now." Charlie sighed, slowly guiding him away from the bed. Cal nodded, bending down to place a final kiss on his brother's forehead before whispering in his ear.

"B-Be strong f-for me Nibbles."


End file.
